Remembering

My mind whirls today. Flooded by thoughts of life. The long and short of it all.
I sit in my kitchen a cup of steaming coffee in hand, the rain assaults the window. The wind howls outside, the sound loud, much like a train engine. Fancy, my cat walks circles around my ankles, my thoughts interrupted for a moment by her need for affection. I bend, mindlessly petting her. It isn't long before my mind races back to yesterday...the call.


Hello
Orsella, is that you, what's wrong....
Calm down, I can't understand you...
Oh God, when did he pass?
I'm on my way...hold on love....


My best friends father passed from this realm to the next yesterday. It wasn't unexpected, but does that ever make it any easier? I went to her side, stayed with her and her mother all day. Cooking, serving food, listening...what ever they needed. I couldn't help but think back a few years, when it was me...my mum had passed. The feeling of shock, sadness...loss.


Geneva, Orsellas mum asked me if it ever gets easier...I swallowed hard, took her hand and said yes, yes love it will. I lied, but what could I do. Tell her the truth, with the loss still so fresh. What good would it have done to tell her the loss, the ache never leaves, we just learn to deal with it differently as the days pass. Eventually enough time passes and we are able to remember all the good memories, but in truth sometimes that makes it harder...makes us want our loved ones back. So I lied, I lied to help someone I love get by.


I think back to all the people who did the same for me, and I'm grateful. My heart was so broken, how could I have handled knowing the truth? Some days now, the memories hold me like a warm blanket...but not then, then it all seemed to much to carry. Even now, sometimes the thoughts, memories overwhelm...but some days, some few, blessed days I take comfort in them. I allow my self to stay in them.


Today, the rain falls, the wind blows...and I...I am remembering...